Lubbock, Texas. Thriving metropolis. The mecca of American culture. Between the Llano Estacado and Silent Wings Museum, you could argue that there is just too much to do. It can be overwhelming. However, the most exhilarating thing to do: Credit Card Fraud.
Jace Amaro and Kenny Williams, both sophomores for the Texas Tech Red Raiders football team were arrested Friday morning. You can read the story here.
So, being this a blog written by alcoholics, here's some pro tips for drinking for these young lads... so in a couple years when they're out of prison they can do the drill correctly!!!
Pro Tip: Offering a big tip makes you look like an ass. Also, a cheap ass. Nobody likes a cheap ass. Stop being a cheap ass.
Pro Tip: Don't draw attention to yourself if your name's not on the card. Just start a tab, get hammered, and never close it. Amateurs.
Pro Tip: If you are 19, don't go to the bar. You're college football players. Go to the house parties and find skirt the old fashioned way. Trust me, you'll drink for free and probably have your pick of the litter. Why turn the difficulty level up before you're ready? Dumbasses.
Pro tip: Don't wear Under Amour attire to the bar. Tacky as hell. Wear a suit. Nobody in a suit every looks suspicious. Or Poor.
Pro Tip: Don't make a big deal out of playing football. You just look needy and desperate for attention. Stop being needy, find yourself a freshman girl with issues and you'll have all the attention you can stomach.
Pro Tip: Never go to Lubbock. Lubbock is the worst place on the planet*.
*I've never been to Lubbock. This is why I'm a pro, and you're taking my advice. I know better
Pro Tip: Don't draw attention to yourself if your name's not on the card. Just start a tab, get hammered, and never close it. Amateurs.
Pro Tip: If you are 19, don't go to the bar. You're college football players. Go to the house parties and find skirt the old fashioned way. Trust me, you'll drink for free and probably have your pick of the litter. Why turn the difficulty level up before you're ready? Dumbasses.
Pro tip: Don't wear Under Amour attire to the bar. Tacky as hell. Wear a suit. Nobody in a suit every looks suspicious. Or Poor.
Pro Tip: Don't make a big deal out of playing football. You just look needy and desperate for attention. Stop being needy, find yourself a freshman girl with issues and you'll have all the attention you can stomach.
Pro Tip: Never go to Lubbock. Lubbock is the worst place on the planet*.
*I've never been to Lubbock. This is why I'm a pro, and you're taking my advice. I know better
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